A Painter Interrupted

A Floral Quick Study
10x10"   Private Collection

I feel the need to share and/or journal a little bit. Actually, I do have a journal that I write and sketch in so maybe this is more about sharing. 

I have spent the last three and a half weeks in TiJuana, Mexico. This was not a pleasure trip. My husband, Michael, was diagnosed with throat cancer a few weeks before. We had to make some very big decisions in a short amount of time. Thankfully, we felt, through prayer, and a lot of research, that we needed to go with treatment here.

Thanks to a very good friend, we found Dr. Vargas. He lives in the San Diego area, but crosses the border into TJ to treat his patients. The laws in the US prohibit his treatment protocols. Our friend's brother went through throat cancer ten years ago, and he too went with Dr. Vargas. He had stage four throat cancer and is well to this day after about 10 weeks of treatment in TiJuana. As it turns out, Michael's cancer is stage 2 and the prognosis is excellent..

Now about painting. I did bring my watercolors and have done some painting, but I am dying to paint with oils. I am in that place where I feel inspired and ready to paint. I have so many new ideas that I want to explore.

I'm happy to be in this place with my painting. I have not felt the "flow" since my return to Truckee, from our winter in Arizona. This "interruption" has been going on since April. 

With inspiration, comes  doubt. You know what I'm talking about don't you? Self doubt, a painters enemy. Or is it? I am beginning to believe that it might be a good thing, a very good thing. Why? Because it means that once again I am in a place of growth. 

Believe me, I have been on my way to this growing place for some time. Last November, I began exploring the idea of painting big, very big, floral pieces. It had been on my heart for a while, and I had been dabbling in it for a year or two, but it was then that I made the decision to go for it.

Flowers are one of God’s most beautiful inventions. He knows what beauty is. I am enjoying every minute of the little discoveries that can be found with paint while learning to see the flower in a new way.

I have embraced this journey to explore the color, shape and movement of the flower. Also I am working at learning to see the subtle changes of warm and cool, harmony, edges and variety of shape while keeping my brushwork loose. 

I am using a special medium that I make and call “the sauce”. This is a thinning agent that keeps the initial block-in very transparent. I finish with plenty of impasto, while keeping some of the initial transparency.

It has turned out to be a never ending discovery process that is so interesting to me, I cannot wait to finish one and move on the the next.

I have to say, it's been bumpy, exciting, fun, and difficult. I am happy about it because for the first time since I began painting I am exploring with a series. Before that I was kind of all over the place. I was so excited when I felt inspired, I painted everything from landscape to still life to interiors and cityscapes. 

It will be a long time before I get to where I want to go. Meanwhile, I can't wait to get back at it. That growing place where self doubt can make you grow as an artist. I find that it's a continual cycle, and I think it's true for every painter. 

Thanks for listening.